Losing friends; why it happens and how I cope with it.

Losing friends is devastating to some especially when you are the one who’s been left behind. The pattern is at its most protuberant as soon after our mid 20s and we begin to wonder why.

What is it worth?

losing friendsAristotle was not blathering when he said “A friend to all is a friend to none’. In our early years of life, we tend to make friends to as many people as possibly. Those were the years that we enjoyed our life the most. But as soon as we entered 25, we began to reorganise our life and more focus on the important things such as career, family and marriage. People become more focused on certain relationships and maintain the relationships.

I was known to be very playful at my early 20s but when I reached 25, I began to filter suitable relationship to be involved in. The main purpose of doing so was probably because of my intention of finding the correct partner. Once I’ve found who’s I was looking for, I become much less socially promiscuous and invest my time on him. This happens to approximately everyone who have found their mate. By 27, majority of my friends are married, and this is when the minority of them feel deprived.

Best friends actually exist.

Even though this tribulation happens, investing a good relationship with friends who always there when we are at our worst should be kept close. I have few of my own and I am glad that they stayed around at my worst. These are my friends who already busy with their commitments; family & career but still managed to glue their relationships with me. What is best about them that my flaws are acceptable in their eyes. Best ever.

If you don’t have any friends anymore, don’t be sad. As you walk by your life, you will find your suitor or your new best friend.

Difference between men and women in losing friends.

losing friendsMost men at his early 30s are still did not get that best friend does not come in a number of 10. They are positive that they are able to sustain their new extended family together with their brotherhood. But as they reached 40, most of their brothers will be gone and by then, the only friends they have is the wife, the men in his wife’s family, few kawan masjid and friends at work. Best friend? My advice, if you are a man who’s at early 30, pick 2-3 bestfriends among your bestfriends and invest on them. Invest here means get focus on the value of friendship rather than the value of having fun together.

But in reality, who knows what’s going to happen. Keeping your circle small does not mean you are not friendly or selfish. It means you understand what is important and what needs to be done.

How I cope with myself when I lose my friends.

It is easy to spot who wants to be your friend and who is not. There are times I was so upset of losing friends but at this time of life, I am more rational about it.

  1. Life is not specific about how many friends you need. If you have back up on who to give your kids when you are sick, you are already have someone who you can trust on.
  2. Friends who don’t value you as much, is not worth your time. If you want to miss someone, miss someone who misses you back. Otherwise, it is a waste of time.
  3. Diverting yourself to a new hobby or activity is a good method. Make yourself busy.
  4. Social media is a legit poison to your soul sometimes.¬†Looking at your friend having fun with your other friend or her new spouse without you sometimes do poke you a little. If that happens, reduce your time looking at that particular person’s account. You can’t control stuff like this, but you can control your action.
  5. Be happy with what you have. As for me, I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, a mother who cares, siblings who love my kids like theirs and a small circle of friends who I can talk about almost anything.
  6. Be sure to be nice to the person who doesn’t want to be friend with you. You know, human’s heart is complicated. It needs to be reminded about the goods in everything.
  7. Make new friends. Get to know your neighbours, join the crowd, go to masjid.
  8. Make money. I recently in love with this method. Haha.

 



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