Sepsis. I just want to avoid that word like a plague right now. I have loved ones who is currently in war inside the ICU for exactly 49 days. Good days, bad days, back at point zero on the average. I just don’t know.. And I don’t know, why I’m taking this personal break from my daily life too. I remember clearly how bad I have abandoned my youth when sickness and death (I wish not this time) took place. But I should know better now. I stand today in my 32 years old suit and hopefully my moon child alter ego has better take on life this time.
Her Sepsis story.
This story has no definite ending yet. I just feel like I have this responsibility to share. She is at her late 30s and was diagnosed to have diabetes few months before fasting month. We did suspect it but never thought it would be this severe.
And July has come again.
July, my birthday month. I was planning to celebrate my recovery. Last year, my second son was admitted for epilepsy on the same month. That epilepsy was the indicator of cerebral palsy he suffered since birth which has turned my whole life upside down afterwards. At that point, I feel defeated and my choice to let go of my career and to become a stay at home mom was pointless. I thought I failed as mom. I have failed my baby. I took 2016 into my deep sleep and shut down. But it won’t take long for me to realise he is the work of God. The promise of perfect happiness. It taught me to slow down, to be less serious, and to enjoy imperfection. It changed me.
That small chat about the stars and the moon and the cow flying.
And again, July sends her gift. I am strong and crystal clear off any dependency of this interim life (make believe, InshaAllah). This time, it is her turn. The day she turned herself to the hospital’s emergency, she was triaged red. Immediately was placed in the ICU. She has several organ failures with symptoms like high fevers, heart rate higher than 90 beats per minute and breathing difficulty. An early sign of Sepsis.
A while after, her hemoglobin was not producing or in bad shape (I’m not sure), so they added up some to hers. The next day, her platelet drop. Breathing suddenly becomes a non-stop Tabata, decrease urine output (there’s time they even plucked out the urine tube because she was dry), abnormal heart function, sacral sore and shiver at times. It got us all so nervous when her lungs stopped for 10 minutes in her sleep and she woke up not knowing it happened.
In one particular day, she was hallucinating, talking carefreely and the ct scan indicates of minor bleeding in her brain. They stopped the blood thinners supply for her blood clots resided in her lungs to sojourn the bleeding.
Her head is clear now, but the thrombosis keeps on reappearing, so they put the blood thinners on again. These thrombosis can lead to low oxygen level in her blood, damaging the lungs and other organs and can cause heart failures too (hopefully not in her case). Haemodialysis is done daily, and insulin is provided 2 ml every hour. Her urea and creatinine are high, so does her glucose level. The antibiotic for her Sepsis has been changed several times too. Some improvements are seen in her urine output, sacral sore and her edema.
We are at our most positive “kuda-kuda” right now. I believe in the miracle of dua. I believe in His mercy. I believe that you will send dua for her too. Hoping more dua to be sent her way. To my beautiful sister.
To be continued….